I Told You So
by LetThemEatCake121
Summary: A series of one-shots about the lives and relationship between Kit Snicket and Count Olaf. Not what you'd expect... rated for small amount of swearing & implied sex.
1. The World Is Quiet Here

I Told You So:

**I Told You So:**

**The Story of Kit Snicket and Count Olaf**

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket. Obviously. Because if I were I'd totally be writing FanFiction of my own work.**

The tall, dark, boy watched the neophytes enter the dining hall and pass under the arch into the library. He smirked to himself. So young, they were, so clueless. There naïveté showed in their faces.

Except, he thought, that one girl. That blonde girl, the short one. Her face was hardened, her eyes not quite so wide. She'd seen more than enough of the world, he thought, just as he had.

He pushed his plate aside and followed her winding path through the bookshelves. She stopped, and looked at him.

"Hey," he said.

She nodded.

"I'm Olaf,"

She appraised him for a minute.

"Kit,"


	2. Original Sin

Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket. Obviously. Because if I were I'd totally be writing FanFiction of my own work.**

"How do you like V.F.D. so far?"

He could have kicked himself. He couldn't have sounded more desperate if he'd tried.

"Well enough," Kit said. She was flicking through a book, as always.

"So…uh…where are you from?" he shifted on his feet.

"Sin," she said.

"What?"

"We're all born in sin," she held up the book she was reading. The Bible.

"You don't actually believe all that bullshit, do you?" he couldn't keep the surprise from his voice.

"Of course not," Kit grinned, "It's bullshit,"


	3. Chemical

Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket. Obviously. Because if I were I'd totally be writing FanFiction of my own work.**

"Why do you like playing with dirt so much?" Olaf asked, bored. He'd followed Kit to one of the six laboratories, where she was sifting through a pan of soil.

"It can tell you more than most people can," she said simply, "And it's honest. You don't get that a lot,"

"True," he said, and let his eyes trace over her profile, her long eyelashes, her hair hanging in her face, lips strawberry pink and slightly parted.

"You know what I like even better than geology, though?" she asked.

"What?"

Kit touched his hand.

"Chemistry,"


	4. Don't You Know?

Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket. Obviously. Because if I were I would totally be writing fanfiction of my own work.**

He waited for her at breakfast that morning, having made a bowl of oatmeal for her, sweetened, with raspberries on top.

The entire three minutes he waited for her seemed like the longest of all his 17 years.

"What's this?" she said when she finally did arrive.

"For you," he mumbled.

"Don't you know?" she said, smiling in that perplexing way of hers, "Raspberries are my favorite,"


	5. Tied In Knots

Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket. Obviously. Because if I were I would totally be writing fanfiction of my own work.**

"So who's this guy you're all hung up on?" Jacques smirked at his sister over lunch.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said.

Lie.

"That Olaf guy. You like him, don't you?"

"No,"

Lie.

"You do!"

"I don't!"

Lie.

"Kit likes Olaf!"

"Kit most certainly does not!"

Lie.

"Why?"

"I have absolutely no idea,"

That one was the truth.


	6. Fables

Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket. Obviously. Because if I were I would totally be writing fanfiction of my own work.**

"Why do you read that thing?" Olaf asked, referring again to Kit's bible.

"It's go some good stories," she shrugged.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Like Abraham, who sacrificed his son to god," 

"That's your idea of a good story?"

Kit shrugged again, "It's really just fic-" but she never got a chance to finish because he kissed her then, full and deep, awkward and spontaneous.

"I like you, Kit," he said.

"You'd better," and this time she kissed him. Fuller, deeper. Not quite so spontaneous.


	7. Verdant, Flamable

Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket. Obviously. Because if I were I would totally be writing fanfiction of my own work.**

"Who's this from?" Kit demanded. She brandished a piece of paper at Olaf, one with 'Mutiny' scribbled across the top in red ink.

"Kit," he said. His mouth tasted bitter all of a sudden, "It's not like that. I wasn't-"

"It's the Sebald Code, I'm not an idiot. I know what it says,"

"Kit-"

"Do not kill them yet," she read, "Kill. Kill?! What is this?!"

"Kit, please-"

"Who are you?" she snarled, but she was out the door before she heard his answer:

"I'm yours,"


	8. Never, Ever, Ever

Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket. Obviously. Because if I were I would totally be writing fanfiction of my own work.**

"He was going to kill someone!" Kit raged to Beatrice, "Kill! Here! At V.F.D! I thought this was supposed to teach people to stop villains, not…become them! Bea, I can't believe this!"

"Can't believe what?" Jacques interrupted as he walked in.

"Olaf…wants to…to MUTINY!" Kit shouted.

"Well…you can't really blame him for wanting to do something," Jacques shrugged.

"What?!"

"You didn't know?" Jacques said mildly, "V.F.D. killed his parents,"

"That doesn't change anything," Kit insisted.

"He wouldn't actually have done anything, you know,"

"I don't care," Kit said coldly, "I'm never speaking to him again. Never, ever…ever,"


	9. Get Her Back

Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket. Obviously. Because if I were I would totally be writing fanfiction of my own work.**

At Jacques suggestion, Olaf decided he had to tell Kit everything – his parent's villainous work, their murder, everything. Come clean and beg her forgiveness and hold her and kiss here again. It was the plan with only one flaw- she wouldn't speak to him.

"Kit!" he called after her as she left the dining fall.

"Kit!" –in the chemistry lab-

"Kit!" –in the kitchen-

"Kit!" –in the library, and still, no response. She wouldn't even look at him.


	10. Eight, Nine, Ten

Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket. Obviously. Because if I were I would totally be writing fanfiction of my own work.**

Ten days since they'd spoken.

Nine notebooks he'd gone through trying to write her a letter.

Eight days 'till he was going to mutiny.

Ten days since they'd spoken.

Nine days since she'd stopped crying.

Eight days since she'd realized she missed him.


	11. TickTock, Clockwork

Disclaimer, Sans Sarcasm: I'm not Lemony Snicket, in no way do these characters belong to me

**Disclaimer, Sans Sarcasm: I'm not Lemony Snicket, in no way do these characters belong to me.**

"Kit,"

Nothing.

"Kit, talk to me,"

"Why?" her voice was venomous, but at least she was speaking now – now, the mutiny planned for the next morning.

"I'm leaving tomorrow,"

This time Kit looked up. Her brown eyes were wide, red around the rims. "Why?" she said.

"This place isn't what you think it is,"

"Don't leave,"

"Why?"

She sighed. "Just don't,"


	12. Kiss Me, Kit

Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket…for anyone thick enough to think that I am in fact he, masquerading as a high school girl writing fanfiction of my own work…

**Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket…for anyone thick enough to think that I am in fact he, masquerading as a high school girl writing fanfiction of my own work…**

Kit stood in the doorway of Olaf's room, arms crossed, glowering. "You really are leaving, aren't you?"

"Yeah,"

"Will I see you again?"

He rested a gentle hand on her arm, "Only if you want to,"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Kiss me, Kit,"

"Tell me why!"

A pause – a heavy, pregnant pause.

"I'm not what you think I am,"

Kit nodded. "I know," she said, and she kissed him. Hard.


	13. Life Is Fragile and Absurd

Disclaimer: Still not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: Still not Lemony Snicket. Characters belong to him. The title is a quote from Leo Tolstoy.**

"Ready to face the world, Kit?" Jacques said as he traipsed with his sister down the Mortmain Mountains.

"No," she said bluntly. She'd come to think of the sanctuary V.F.D. provided as home, even after the mutiny so many years ago.

"Well, you'd better suck it up,"

"You show all the sensitivity of a root canal," she grumbled.

"You miss him, don't you?"

"Again, you're dreadfully tactful, Jacques,"

"You do, though," he pressed.

"…yeah,"


	14. Cracks

Disclaimer: Once again, I am not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: Once again, I am not Lemony Snicket. Olaf, Kit, Lemony, Jacques and Beatrice are thoroughly his. However much I wish they were in fact mine.**

_Dearest Kit-_

_I hope this letter reaches you safely – I haven't heard from you in a while, and I can only guess as to your whereabouts and doings. I won't say it doesn't worry me, how reclusive you are, but you're an intrepid girl, Kit._

_I hate to have to be the one to tell you this, Kit, but V.F.D. as we knew it is gone. The schism has finally broken out into the open. The Headquarters is no longer safe. We don't know who is on which side and we're all still using the same codes and disguises. It's awful, Kit. Lemony is safe still, but Jacques has vanished. Theodore and Alice Quagmire have left to work on the coast, but the last I heard from them was months ago._

_Please write back, Kit, and let me know you're safe._

_Much love-_

_Beatrice_


	15. It's Going Swimmingly

Disclaimer: Honestly, if I wasn't Lemony Snicket for the past 14 chapters, do you think that I have suddenly become him

**Disclaimer: Honestly, if I wasn't Lemony Snicket for the past 14 chapters, do you think that I have suddenly become him? **

Sun beat down upon the plaza of the financial district. It was quiet but for the sounds of a family splashing around in the fountain. He could see Kit standing across the cobblestoned square. She'd dyed her hair a caramel brown and wore large sunglasses to hide her face, but still, he'd know her anywhere.

She nodded and him. He nodded and her.

He raised his eyebrows (which had just begun to grow together). Kit nodded again and Olaf crossed the square to join her in an alleyway.

"I hear you're a villain now," she said coldly, "Why?"

"V.F.D. isn't all noble, Kit," he said.

"And you think you are?!" she hissed.

"No," he said, "But at least I'm not trying to pretend I am," he laid a hand on her cheek, "I've missed you, Kit,"

She buried her face in his shoulder.

"What's happening to the world?"


	16. Live, Love, Burn, Die

Disclaimer: I think I'm wasting my energy by this point…I'm not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I think I'm wasting my energy by this point…I'm not Lemony Snicket.**

_Dearest Sister –_

_Beatrice is dead. She and her husband perished in a fire that destroyed her entire home. We're still looking into the cause. May they rest in peace._

_Much love and sorrow-_

_Lemony_

_P.S. The children are now in the care of one Count Olaf. I don't suppose you remember him from our days in the Mortmain Mountains?_


	17. Quid Pro Quo

Disclaimer: The usual

**Disclaimer: The usual.**

Talk about Karma. He'd burned down the house of that awful Baudelaire man, a distant cousin of his, and now he was getting saddled with his kids.

Three of them.

Then again, being pessimistic had never helped him. Maybe he could get something out of it.


	18. Hymns of Hate and Memorandum

Disclaimer: I Am Not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I Am Not Lemony Snicket. Credit goes to the Dresden Dolls song Bad Habits for the title.**

"Why the hell did I just do that?" Kit mumbled. Her eyes were closed and she was seriously considering keeping them that way forever. Her bare legs entwined with Olaf's and she felt so young again, innocent, like they had been at the Headquarters. It was barely 5 years since she'd left but it had seemed like an eternity.

"Maybe you still like me," Olaf smirked.

She kicked him.

"Do not,"

That might've been a lie, though.


	19. Minor Heart Attack

Disclaimer: The Usual

**Disclaimer: The Usual.**

"You!" Kit snarled, banging open the door to Olaf's tower room.

"Kit?"

"_You're_ the one who burned down the Baudelaire's house?"

"What? Why would I-"

"Shut up!" she raged, brandishing a letter at him, "I can't believe you! You killed Beatrice! You – why would you – I thought I – and now you have their _children_?!"

"Kit!" she tried to hit him, but he grabbed her wrists, "Don't!" he whispered, "You should quiet down. You'll wake them,"

"You're sick! Let me go! What on earth do you think you're-"

She would have liked to curse him with every expletive in every language she knew, she would have liked to hit him, hurt him, but he kissed her, desperately, holding on to her as if he were drowning.

"Never again," she said when at length they pulled apart, "Never again, Olaf,"

He shook his head, "No," he said, "I'll kiss you again. I know I will,"

His eyes shone in the dark, glittery, like beetle's wings.

Kit couldn't help but notice – they'd never done that before.


	20. What The Fuck Was I Thinking?

Disclaimer: Lemony Snicket died and left me the rights to his books, so yes, this is all mine

**Disclaimer: Lemony Snicket died and left me the rights to his books, so yes, this is all mine. Not really. Oh, how I wish…(The part in italics actually is by L.S.)**

"_Do you," Justice Strauss said, turning to Violet, "Take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"_

"_I do," Violet said._

Olaf closed his eyes and winced. He was married. Married. He looked out into the audience and caught a glimpse of caramel hair and liquid brown eyes. Kit.

He couldn't stop the words slipping out, and although nobody heard, they resonated through him:

"What the fuck was I thinking?"


	21. Ashes

Disclaimer: The usual

**Disclaimer: The usual. Gotta love the monotony. But hey, at least I'm reliable.**

"The Baudelaires were here, weren't they?" Kit said. The boy in the chair nodded warily, keeping his eyes trained on her while a small snake wove its way through his fingers.

"Oh!" she noticed his nervousness, "I'm so sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Kit – Kit Snicket. The World Is Quiet Here,"

The boy nodded, "Jacques said you might come. I'm Quigley Quagmire,"

Kit dropped the book she was holding, "So you did survive?" she said. He nodded. "Good,"

"Er…Kit?" Quigley said, "Jacques said to give this to you. It's from some count…"

"What?" Kit snatched the letter he held out. Her name was printed on it in sickeningly familiar scraggly handwriting. Her stomach did several back flips, and her heart churned. Count Olaf…the tall, dark boy who'd called her bible bullshit, who'd told her he liked her, who'd kissed her…the man who'd killed Beatrice and her husband, murdered Dr. Montgomery, and tried to marry Violet Baudelaire. She couldn't give him the satisfaction. Her eyes turned to steel, and she threw the letter into the blazing fire, where it was quickly reduced to ashes.


	22. If Only, If Only

Disclaimer: LetThemEatCake121 is in no way, shape, or form associated with Lemony Snicket…these characters are his

**Disclaimer: LetThemEatCake121 is in no way, shape, or form associated with Lemony Snicket…these characters are his.**

If only, he thought, if only.

If only he hadn't let her run away so fast.

If only he'd told her why he'd split from V.F.D.

If only he'd written that letter better, maybe then she would have met him like he'd hoped.

If only he could get his hands on this damn fortune, then maybe he could make himself into the person she deserved. And maybe things would be the way they used to be.


	23. Sparks

Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket. These characters are not mine. You knew that already.**

"Kit Snicket," the man, who's face was still in shadow, grasped her shaking hand, "Pleased to meet you. The world is quiet here,"

"And you," she said, "Who are you?"

The darkness of the hotel lobby crept closer to her, clawing its way up her legs and seeping into her eyes.

"Dewey Denouement. Welcome,"

Their eyes connected. Sparks flew.


	24. What The Fuck Was I Thinking? II

Disclaimer: I am sick of disclaimers

**Disclaimer: I am sick of disclaimers. You get the point by now.**

"_S.O.R.E._

_Special Orphan Running Exercises._

_Special Orphan Running Exercises?_

_Orphans have perfect legs for running?!_

_What the fuck was I thinking?"_


	25. Rationalist

Dis…ah, it's a waste of time

**Dis…ah, it's a waste of time.**

"Don't move, Dewey, please," Kit whispered, her arms tightening around his waist, "I'm trying to pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist,"

Dewey kissed her forehead. "Come on, Kit," he wriggled out of her grasp and pulled the sheets off her shivering form, "As much as I'd love to, we can't stay here. Be rational,"

"Rationalism is overrated," she chucked a pillow at him, "Look at Socrates,"

**LetThemEatCake121 says: In case you didn't know, Socrates was the first rationalist, and he was sentenced to death by hemlock poisoning**


	26. Not Exactly

Disclaimer: This is still a waste of time

**Disclaimer: This is still a waste of time. I'm not Lemony Snicket.**

"You've taken my wife. You've tormented these children. You've murdered noble people. Are you happy now?" Jerome Squalor snarled.

"Not exactly," Olaf muttered, to quietly to be heard. He hadn't meant to wind up with Esme as a girlfriend, and he honestly wasn't looking forward to this relationship of sorts. The Baudelaires were a longer story, a longer road that he hoped would eventually lead him back to a certain someone, and the murders were entirely justifiable in his opinion, but all in all, he was definitely not happy.

His hand flew out and struck Jerome; he stalked off, leaving him there on the penthouse floor.


	27. Sins Revisited

Disclaimer: The usual

**Disclaimer: The usual.**

"Count Olaf and who?" Kit's eyes widened.

"Esme Squalor," Dewey said again, "I thought _she'd_ at least have standards,"

"Esme Squalor?!" Kit said.

"Yes, Esme Squalor,"

"Esme Squalor?!" her voice was bordering on a shriek.

"Why does that make you so angry?"

"I don't know," Kit said miserably, "It's really just-" but she never got to finish because he kissed her then, and everything melted away everything treacherous and terrible, until she was 14 again, hiding in the maze off the V.F.D. library with that tall, dark boy.


	28. Oh, Shit

Disclaimer: As per usual

**Disclaimer: As per usual.**

Wait – that name was familiar.

Jacques Snicket.

Snicket.

_Snicket_.

Kit's brother.

He'd killed Kit's brother.

Oh, shit.


	29. Black Like Coffee Grounds

Disclaimer: The characters still, after 27 chapters, belong to Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: The characters still, after 27 chapters, belong to Lemony Snicket.**

"Dewey, it's done," Kit sobbed, "Jacques is dead. He's dead, he's gone, I haven't heard from Lemony in weeks. I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't, I-"

"Kit," Dewey took the mug off coffee from her twitching hands, "Go to sleep,"

"I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't, I-"

"Hush," Dewey murmured. He curled with her into a plush chair and held her until her shaking stopped and breathing slowed. Kit dreamed of eyes that night, shine, shiny eyes in the darkness.


	30. Sugar Wolf

Disclaimer: Take a guess

**Disclaimer: Take a guess. Title stolen from From Autumn To Ashes.**

"I miss you, you know," Olaf told her in the darkness outside Heimlich Hospital.

"You killed my brother," Kit said dryly. Her arms were crossed defiantly and steel glittered in her eyes, "Besides, you have your Esme now, don't you?"

"Please don't talk about that…"

"Oh yeah? Your Esme, your sweetheart, your darling, your love?"

"Kit, please-"

"What are you doing here anyways?"

Olaf was silent. The gleam of his eyes seemed to diminish.

"You're still chasing after the Baudelaires? Still?" Kit slapped him. The brief sound of flesh colliding with flesh echoed around them, "It won't work. I'm going to stop you. We are,"

"I love you, Kit," he said.

She stared at him, a deer in headlights, "Don't," she said, "Just don't,"


	31. All That's Known

Disclaimer: Not Lemony Snicket, this title is taken from the song with the same title from the musical Spring Awakening by Duncan Sheik

**Disclaimer: Not Lemony Snicket, this title is taken from the song with the same title from the musical Spring Awakening by Duncan Sheik.**

Kit stormed into Dewey's office, and slammed a file down on his desk.

"They're at Caligari Carnival," she panted.

Dewey looked up. "How did you find out?"

"Olivia," Kit said simply.

"Fair enough," Dewey said.

"So what do we do?"

"We go get them,"


	32. 7 Deadly Virtues

Disclaimer: Usual, title is my own

**Disclaimer: Usual, title is my own.**

He swore he heard a twig crack. Saw a flash of caramel-colored hair. But he couldn't let himself flinch. Not now, not when the Baudelaire children were about to be fed to a bunch of lions. He hadn't meant for it to come this far, but then again, he hadn't meant for a lot of things to happen. It felt like a sin to hope.


	33. All For Spite

Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket, these characters belong to him

**Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket, these characters belong to him.**

_My Dearest Brother-_

_I regret so much to tell you this, but they have the Snicket File, and they've burned down the headquarters. I've searched the ruins a thousand times over, but I haven't found the sugar bowl anywhere. All that remains completely intact is the arch over the library entrance. The world is no longer quiet, I fear._

_Much love-_

_Kit_

_My Darling-_

_The former headquarters has been burned down, and they have the Snicket File. I'm going to follow the Baudelaire's and make sure they get to the safe place. I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you, Dewey._

_Kit_


	34. Mirror, Mirror

Disclaimer: Usual

**Disclaimer: Usual. Oodles of thanks to everyone who reviewed!**

Mount Fraught.

How sickeningly ironic.

He was fraught, indeed. Fraught with confusion. Fraught with anger. Fraught a desire to race down that slippery slope towards the silhouette of a woman below him, writing by the light of a single candle.

"Kit," he whispered, "If only you knew,"

She did, though. And she watched him through the corner of her eye as she wrote.

"Olaf," she said, 'If only you knew,"


	35. A Phoenix Of Sorts

Disclaimer: Take a guess

**Disclaimer: Take a guess.**

Kit could hear a boy screaming, choked by the icy waters of the Stricken Stream. The Baudelaires were long gone, but she knew she could get to him yet.

"Kit?" he panted when she pulled him out and wrapped her coat around him.

"Quigley?" she said.

"What's going on?"

"Too much. Come on – we don't have nearly enough time,"


	36. Snicker Snack

Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket. I am, however, the current incarnation of Marie Antoinette. What now? (title stolen from Lewis Carol)**

"Someone kill me," Olaf muttered to himself. The whirling, whining, demanding blur that was Carmelita Spats was going to make him have an aneurism. Especially considering that they were all stuck inside this freaking tiny car.

"Kit," he sighed.

"What?" Esme snapped.

"Nothing…" he said. Because that's all it would ever come to.


	37. What Goes Around

Disclaimer: Characters still belong to Lemony Snicket…

**Disclaimer: Characters still belong to Lemony Snicket…**

"Kit and who?" Olaf shrieked.

"Dewey Denouement," smirked the man with a beard, but no hair.

"Dewey Denouement?"

"Dewey Denouement,"

"_Dewey Denouement?!"_

"Why does that make so you angry?"

"I don't know, but…oh, I'm going to kill him!"

The man with a beard but no hair laughed, "Good. Why don't you knock her off, too, while you're at it? We don't want you getting distracted by hopeless prospects, now, do we?"


	38. Run Faster

Disclaimer: As per usual

**Disclaimer: As per usual.**

_Dear Kit-_

_I'm sorry to have left so suddenly, but I have to go find my siblings. I haven't slept since the Baudelaires told me that they're still alive. I have an idea of where they are, and I'll be back as soon as I can. With any luck, they'll be with me. Thank you for everything, Kit._

_Sincerely-_

_Quigley_


	39. One Last Dance

Disclaimer: All characters are property of Lemony Snicket, not me

**Disclaimer: All characters are property of Lemony Snicket, not me.**

Those tap shoes. Those god-awful tap shoes. Constant little click-click-clicks, hammer blows to his cerebellum, grating, high-pitched laughter_…not like Kit's soft, mysterious chuckle_…those tap shoes! He should have thrown the brat off the top of Mount Fraught…_Kit could dance, he remembered. Kit could waltz, tango, foxtrot_. Click-click-click! Those shoes! _Kit had never tapped. She said it made her crazy, and now he saw what she meant._

Those damn shoes!


	40. The Storm Drain

Disclaimer: See previous

**Disclaimer: See previous.**

Hotter. Hotter. Hotter.

Kit cranked up the temperature until the knob wouldn't turn any longer. Scalding water beat down on her scalp and back, steam rising up and clinging to the mirrored walls. Kit was glad for that; her face was the last thing she wanted to look at, at the moment. Her hands were wrinkled like those of someone three times her age, and she was turning red rather quickly, but she stayed where she was. Cardboard boxes formerly containing various industrial-strength hair products now lay empty, the contents of the last one long washed down the drain, but she stayed where she was. She was done, she decided, just done. Done with all the confusion and hiding and second-guessing. Done, done, done.

She stepped out of the shower and sat on the floor. Her waist-length hair dried quicker than usual, and gleamed in the light, restored to its natural platinum. She stared at herself in the mirror. It was better this way, she decided, and burned all the cardboard boxes.


	41. 3 Minutes

Disclaimer: See previous

**Disclaimer: See previous.**

0:30

30 more seconds.

Tick-tock.

Kit paced up and down, determined not to look at the little stick in her hands.

0:15

15 more seconds.

Tick-tock.

She couldn't bring herself to tell anyone. Why, she didn't know, but it certainly wasn't making anything easier.

0:00

She glanced down.

The little stick was pink.

Positive.


	42. Medusoid Mycelium

Disclaimer: You win

**Disclaimer: You win!**

She wasn't there. He'd come all the way to this bizarre hotel and Kit was off chasing the Quagmire brats.

He kicked the wall.

He was stuck in a hotel organized like a library with an utterly vacuous and vile woman, and obnoxious little tomboy and a diving helmet full of a fungus that could kill within the hour.

Life was good.

Fuckers.


	43. Blue Wind

So sorry for the delay, loves, but school's been eating my life and whatnot. Here's the end!

**Disclaimer: I'm not Lemony Snicket…still…**

There was the hot air mobile home, perfectly undamaged. Kit breathed a sigh of relief. She'd been expecting to find it in a shambles, overtaken by villain, but no. For once, something was going right. Or it would have, had the hot air mobile home not been completely empty.


	44. Wave

**Disclaimer: I do not own in these characters in any way, although I wish I were that brilliant.**

Dewey Denouement hit the water, dead. The harpoon still stuck in his chest, a mockery.

His jaw tightened. He'd killed her brother, and now her lover.

It hit him then, that things would never be the way they were.

Ripples spread through out the pond, a silent, insignificant lament.


	45. Butter Burned

**Disclaimer: DingDingDing!! We have a winner! **

"Quagmires!" Kit gasped, "I thought I'd never find you!"

"Kit!" Quigley smiled.

Kit smiled too, for the first time in a long time. The triplets looked just alike, and just like their parents. Maybe things would get better after all.

"We have to go," she said, "The gathering of V.F.D. is tomorrow and we will need your testimonies against the villains,"

"We can't you anywhere now, Kit," Duncan said gravely, "There's a storm coming,"


	46. Wilson!

**Disclaimer: Take a guess.**

Count Olaf was stuck on a tiny boat with three kids, white beans for every meal, and a bunch of poisonous mushrooms. How he had allowed himself to wind up in such a deplorable situation he couldn't say, but at the very least, he was rid of Esme and the brat.

He sneaked a glance at the orphans. They were busy doing who knows what, their backs turned. Thankfully. He took a deep swig from the small flask he'd taken to carrying with him. He'd have shared, but he'd never been much of an altruist. And besides, he didn't want them to end up like him.


	47. Those Storm Bottles

**Disclaimer: See chapter 14.**

The storm raged, tossing the raft Kit had built around like a plaything atop the crests of the massive waves. Kit clung furiously to the straps of her haphazardly made raft, coughing and choking. Salty water stung her eyes, her raw cheeks and her throat.

She would have cried – for everything she wished she'd done differently, now that she believed her life to be over, but at that moment, the sun came out, just briefly, showing its dazzling face just long enough to keep her clinging there.


	48. Dark Chocolate

**Disclaimer: Yeah.**

"No, no, no-"

"Kit,"

"No, no-"

Olaf grabbed her hands, "It's been too long, Kit," he said, "It's been far too long," He sank with her to the soaked sand, littered with detritus, and held her to him, slowly untangling her hair with his fingers.

"It's Dewey's, isn't it?" he breathed (though he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer). He didn't have to say anything more. She understood him, and he understood her silence.

"I shouldn't be doing this," she said, mostly to herself, while she pressed closer to him.

"There's a time for what you should do, Kit," he said, "It's called later,"

They fell asleep in each other's arms, and by morning, Kit was gone.

He realized that it had only ever been a dream.


	49. Overdrive

**Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket (but the part in italics is by him), these characters don't belong to me, no profit being made other than the joy of passing all that time in math & lit. **

_Count Olaf gave Kit Snicket a gentle kiss on her trembling mouth._

She hadn't realized how much she'd missed him, but still, she refused to forgive him.

Refused, refused, refused.

There was no way he could ever make up for it all, except, oh god…she'd forgotten how good he was at this.


	50. Overdrive II

**Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket (but the part in italics is by him), these characters don't belong to me, no profit being made other than the joy of passing all that time in math & lit. **

_Count Olaf gave Kit Snicket a gentle kiss on her trembling mouth._

…and something inside him flew. Despite the fact that he was about to die – that she was about to die – something lifted, floated, drifted on the purple wind.

Then he knew she still hated him, some part of her, and it all crashed back down to earth, like a butterfly. Hammered.


	51. Not Until

**Disclaimer: This is a waste of my time.**

The world swirled to a close around her, her heard beating its last beat, her fingertips still in his calloused hands.

It's all over.


End file.
